Pushing Through

Sometimes the thing you want to do least is the thing that will help you the most.

I started spiraling down on Wednesday afternoon; I was tired and I was having a hard time putting words together to hold a conversation. It would have been a good time for me to write, but I wasn't on the computer much when writing is possible (i.e. when the kids are sleeping or otherwise occupied with Popsy) and it might have been hard to understand.

Even at therapy on Thursday, it was hard for me to express anything. By Friday, I was a complete grump. I just wanted to be alone and since Chris was home, I spent a good part of the afternoon with Stieg Larsson. Yesterday, I was feeling pretty much the same. I wasn't too keen on getting out of bed, but once I did, I made the bed right away so I wouldn't have the option of crawling back in. We had a few errands to do and I spent most of the trip lost in thought. Chris would ask a question and get the bare minimum of an answer in response. At a tent sale, we found a much-needed new sneakers for me, but trying on t-shirts did not improve my day. And I was dreading the birthday party we had RSVP'd to. I knew the boys would have fun and that it would be great company; I just wasn't too sure I would be able to pull myself together for it and didn't think I would be much of a companion.

My instincts yesterday were to retreat inside myself. I felt like I didn't have much of myself left to give to anyone. Surrounding yourself with people when you're wanting to be alone isn't easy to do. But, really, if I had done what I wanted to do, I'd still be in that lonely place. I don't like that lonely place, but it can be so hard to get out of it. It's a matter of forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do. The beginning of the party was a bit rough for me, but by the end, my mood had improved and I had a blast! Today, I'm still feeling good although I'd be even better if the sun would show itself a bit more.

We didn't have the healthiest breakfast this morning, but it sure was tasty! Fortunately, the rest of the day should be better health-wise. Chris has been fixing the brakes on his truck this morning and this afternoon we're planning on finally putting our bikes to use! My Mother's Day present was bike seats for the boys and a new bike for Chris so that we could take family bike rides. With the rain we've had for the last WEEK, we haven't used them yet and I have been so anxious to! Today's weather forecast was for clouds....I didn't see anything about rain so I have my fingers crossed. We're going to head over to the bike path and I'm hoping to hit up the farm stand on the way home. I've been craving something grilled for dinner. I'm torn between grilled shrimp and veggies and grilled pizza topped with some veggies (maybe some of the asparagus from the fridge?), but I think I'm leaning towards pizza.

It's now noon and I'm still in jammies! I'll leave you with this goof (stealing his brother's dinner last night) while I get dressed!